by Jerry Vilhotti
Tommy Tom Tom's sister Alice's husband Ferdy did the first speech
celebrating Tom getting his doctorate in psychology and given the
nickname "Fertile Ferdy" by Alice's brother Leny One N, who could not
make the luncheon on Fire Island since he was away in "California", - a
euphemistic way of saying he was in a Pennsylvania federal prison doing
four years for "taking" things from trucks on Eisenhower's highways who
also warned the greatest country ever to beware of the military
industrial complex growing in deep fertilizer beneath their feet -
after Alice gave birth to another baby twenty years after their first
born telling them at first in a low tentative voice which became louder
and more forceful that he personally shot down nearly a million Kamikaze
planes while serving his great country - that won the second world war
all by itself.
Johnny the youngest member of the family and Alice's brother raised his
hand saying: "Question?"
"Yeah what?" Ferdy said with disdain; hating his wife's kid brother.
"When were we great? We use that word so often but when were we great? And if the Japanese had that
many planes we'd be talking their language with our many American accents!"
"Ok, let me answer that dumb question it in a simple way so you might all understand. The
"Was that when all men are created equal that slavery became the law and
the Electoral College was put into place so the masses would not have a
for real vote and to accommodate the slave states by a guy named
Alexander Hamilton whose very house still stands on my college's north
"The Jew book said that slavery was a bad thing but that only lasted
till we kicked Great England's ass again-"
"Was that when they burned the president's house down? Didn't slavery
last till after the civil war and then Jimmy KKK Crow made sure it went
on for another hundred and fifty years and is really still going?"
"Yeah but we won the first world war and got those cousin kings to like
each other again'"
"And what about exploiting people as cheap labor pawns telling them they
"Yeah but they were making more money then in their own countries-"
"Were we great when The Great Depression happened plunging many into
"Yeah, but then we went on to liberate the world-"
"After liberating the Philippines Islands, part of Mexico now called
Texas, and Korea and then after killing unions off?"
"Ok, you're fired!" Ferdy said admiring a Television guy who one day would
become president of the greatest country ever invented in minds playing games.
"Shut up all ready!" Rhoda, Tom's fourth wife's great uncle Stanly shouted.