Ripley the Wonder Dog vs Sanctimonious Bitch Believe It or Not

Ripley the Wonder Dog is getting old. We went through howling and shedding, eating tin foil and crab shells, dog overboards and vacuous stares and now we've gotten to pretty old.

His hearing's not too good, although I'm not sure he's just "entitled." His eyesight's certainly bad. He doesn't seem to shed as much, but poor old Ripley's incontinent these days so it seems to be evening out. I don't wonder much why we put up with "it" except when he takes it into his doggy head to trot off in the Park and makes me trot off after him! Scrunching through something I'd rather not be scrunching through makes me wonder. And he got me in trouble the other day!

I came home from work feeling pretty good and saw someone on our dock. "Admiring Dowager", I said to myself. When I came to our finger, I noticed the man pacing the dock and the woman crouched over Ripley feeding him. There was a pink terry cloth towel wrapped around Ripley and the woman was hugging the towel. Feeding my dog!

"He'll just throw up!" I told her. "If he eats anything other than his regular food, he throws up!"

I walked up to the woman and took the can of food from her, brushing the food she'd strewn on the dock out of Ripley's reach.

The woman looked up and there was tragedy in her face. She glanced up at the man and then screwed her face into a Principal's frown and said "This is an outrage!"

"Huh? He'll throw up! You come and clean it!"

"You're killing this dog!"

"Oh come on! I know he doesn't look that great but he's old. He's incontinent. I'm tired of you people trying to "help" poor old Ripley. He's OK. He's just old. We don't hurt him. He eats! I promise you. He's just old."

"I'm calling the SPCA!"

"What! Are you kidding? Talk to anybody here. Ask them about Ripley. I don't like keeping him on the dock but he's incontinent."

"I did ask someone and they said you leave him here all the time."

"Who? He's incontinent. I try and tell people. Look at him! He's peeing on the dock right now."

Ripley peed.

"Well you could at least give him a blanket!"

"He pees on it!"

"I'm calling the SPCA!"

That's the gist of it. I left out the part where Fred opened the door and asked what was going on and my telling him and him telling the lady pretty much what I did. I think the man with the lady kinda sorta was maybe thinking maybe that perhaps they'd been a bit rash. Who can be sure? But they ended up storming off. I can't swear to it but I think I saw her fist in the air when she reminded me she was calling the SPCA.

"You'll hear from the SPCA!"

I might be mistaken about the fist. Then I angsted all over Fred for...

Oh ...

3 or 4 hours

And then the SPCA man came.

He was wonderful! I'm absolutely positively sure they don't pay the SPCA people enough. Then I talked to a bunch of people on the dock. Then I paced the dock. Then I went to work, then I talked to more people and went to work some more and knitted and did chores and then I wrote this story.

Right after the SPCA guy left, I made a point of watching for the lady and the man who phoned the SPCA. I wanted to abuse myself some more I suppose. They finally came by and I bounded out on the dock shouting, "The SPCA guy came by. Did he tell you? We're OK. Since you saw fit to disturb our privacy, are we entitled to disturb your privacy back a little?

"No", was the woman's deep sure-voice but scratchy reply.

Fred talked to them anyways.

"I should think you'd be happy someone cared about your dog enough to do something like that?" was what Fred told me they told him.

"I told her I'd be happy to give her Ripley if she thought she could provide a better home for him!"

"Let it go Sigred", Fred advised, "Let it go." "I told her if she was that concerned, I could use a donation for my childrens' education", I ranted at poor Fred. "Sigred. Stop it!" "Explain it to me then Fred. Get me to understand. Kid's get bum fucked with the neighbours listening, women get raped in crowded bars, people are deprived of rights 'cause it's good for them and Ripley puts on his poor me big scene for a handful of dog food that'll only make him throw up and then I get in trouble. Explain it to me!" Fred couldn't. Ripley pissed on my foot. I cleaned up the mess.

Roll on your back and run in circles Ripley. Thank you!