Before Time Began
My Mom
My Mom…
(at least according to the aunts and uncles talking,
me, the child, playing with dolls or scrabbling under the table
lost in my Gretel forest...
ignored or invisible?)
….was uppity
Didn’t know her place
No defence.
Not for my Mom,
For such words were never put directly to her,
And not for the child,
For children have no defence
Just a Girl
She was just a girl
Small, slight, blond, bland
Laughing & walking in the line-ups at elementary school
Hand in hand with another girl, other hand covering her mouth whispering secrets
Her hand held under her armpit, sullen
If with a boy
Just a girl I didn't know, didn't care about
Until the boy with the same name as my Daddy
Disappeared
After
After I saw that girl different
I watched her, furtively
Out of the corner of my eyes instead of merely noticing her because she was in the scope of my vision
I noticed her off in the distance on the playground
And wondered
Wondered what the girls she played with asked
Wondered what she told them
After our town paper screamed of his disappearance
After all the people in the town had gone out looking for the boy
After her Daddy had been convicted for trying to extort money from the parents of the boy
After all the publicity in our small town
Screamed of the extortion
Screamed of the arrest
Screamed of the trial
After listening to my Mom & Dad and my Aunts & Uncles and their friends talk about the disappearance
After I thought maybe the boy with the same name as my Daddy hadn't really been kidnapped
But had run away
He was retarded
We called people like him that then
But he wasn't that retarded, just a little bit slow and the son of the big boss mine man
They lived in the big house
After I thought maybe the boy with the same name as my Daddy had run away to become someone else
After all those things had happened I watched the girl
Who was the daughter of the man who tried to extort money from the parents of the boy who disappeared
After all that I watched the girl more closely
In the end she left town too
Moved away I suppose so she could be just a girl
Once again
All I know is This
Nestor Northumberland Nelson was a gentle young man
with golden hair that watered down his back
His voice was low and always soft, his hands were gentle in every way
His eyes were liquid and seemed removed to some small quiet far off place
Nestor Northumberland Nelson was a young man in the 60's
His mind was slow, sweet, warm, soothing and kind
His thoughts were of a simple life, small pleasures and quiet peace
Nestor Northumberland Nelson was caught with one joint in 1969 and then spent 9 months in the slammer
His successive reactions were bewilderment, fear, resignation and hate
His time in the slammer was largely uneventful except he was raped
Nestor Northumberland Nelson came out of the slammer and his voice was still low and soft but his eyes weren't liquid anymore
His mind and his thoughts were cool, sad, resigned and hard
His desire for a simple life and small pleasures remained
but the quiet peace had been successfully removed
Etcetera
We were on vacation driving through the Okanagan Valley
Which according to my Time Atlas of the World (Compact Edition)
Is open shrub lands (I think)
It's hard to tell the exact colour
(On the tiny map, my eyes older, the light dim)
It could be croplands (It is croplands)
Fruit trees, peaches, cherries & pears (Tomatoes too!)
(Etc)
My Mom & Dad were in the front seat of the car
My Grandpa Odinsen, my brother Garry & I were in the back
We were all a little weary
Hot
The Okanagan is hot (In the summer)
In the winter, middling winter (It gets the occasional cold snap below 20 degrees)
Not as cold as the Cariboo (Not as mild as the Coast)
(Fair bit of snow)
We had watched mountain passes
Through the car window
And semi-deserts
Had had a sandwich lunch & a campfire breakfast
And had driven hard
In a crowded hot car
For miles & miles
(Miles & miles)
Miles & miles
"Look!" my Mom said
"Turn in there. See that sign!"
And she pointed to a large sign
A hundred yards
Behind
Professional lettering (Three bright colours)
A picture on it (Of a TeePee)
"Where!?" my Dad barked
Weary too
Hot, tired, stiff (Confined)
"To the right Frank. It's not a government camp
The sign said it's a KeeWee camp."
"What the hell is a KeeWee camp" GrandPa Odinsen
Rumbled up
From the right hand side (Window seat)
Me in the middle (The hottest)
My brother beside me on the left (His hand out the window)
"They're a privately owned camp site" my Mom explained
Often they have showers & sometimes a pool "
A pool!" I piped up
Suddenly enlivened (By even the thought)
Of cool, blue, silky, wet, cool, weightless (Water)
"Oh can we, oh can we, oh can we!" I chattered "
We'll see" my Mom replied calm "
We'll see" GrandPa Odinsen replied ominously
"We'll see" my brother Garry mumbled so quietly only I could hear
My Dad swung his head to the back seat (I became quiet)
We turned off the paved road & travelled down a winding dirt one
Entered trees & a patch of groomed grass
And passed a children's playground
My heart fluttered & I leaned over my brother
Looking longingly at the slide
He pushed me back roughly (I squealed)
GrandPa's hand flicked up (ForeFinger raised)
Mom turned 'round (And scowled)
Dad growled (I shrunk in my seat)
"Over there Frank" my Mom pointed this time
At a concrete block building with a sign over the door that said
Office (I could read)
Dad went through a gate
Around a circular driveway
Past the building labelled office
And parked in a dusty parking lot
Underneath a green hill
And stopped the car
Turned the engine off
We all sat for a few seconds (Silent)
Getting used to the idea of not driving (Not moving through the air)
Hot (Dry hot hot)
Breathing (Hot air)
Dad turned round & looked at GrandPa
Checked out me
And my Brother too
"Well Gwen, what do you think?" he asked my Mother
I looked longingly at the pool (Noticed the showers beside the office)
Checked more thoroughly the slide in the park (And the merry-go-round)
Even my teenage brother had a soft smile on his lips (Watching the pretty girl at the pool)
"Looks fine to me Frank" my Mother said
With more enthusiasm in her voice
Than she should
GrandPa grunted (Dad made to get out of the car)
"I don't like me here" GrandPa mumbled
Dad swung open the car door (Letting in the heat)
"I don't like me here" GrandPa said louder
My Mom said "What?"
"I don't like me here!" my GrandPa said with no doubt in the tone of his voice
"I don't like me here!"
My brother groaned (My Dad turned to face GrandPa)
I moaned (My Mother looked straight ahead out the car's front window)
Straight ahead (Without a word)
"I don't like me here" GrandPa said one last time
His arms crossed over his chest
My Dad closed the door
And started up the car again
Drove past the office
Around the circular driveway
Past the pool & the patch of grass
Up the dirt road until we hit the highway
And then turned right (Or maybe left)