Tommy Tom Tom's Guests

by Jerry Vilhotti

Not only did the immediate family, and I don't mean family as in the Godfather Saga which is the American-Italian "Gone With the Wind" thing, take trips to see our highly unsuccessful hijacking brother Leny One N in the Lewisburg Penitentiary, around Amish Country going slowly red, but sometimes we accommodated others like the time my brother Tommy Tom Tom, who happened to be a NYC lithium popping psychologist, offered to take the Maletestas, Leny's young partner and cell mate's parents and Lollie his aunt who happened to be Leny's lady friend, to see them and decided to foot all the bills to boot ...

"Hey, what the hell you doing?" Tom said in the motel deep in peaceful Amish country; not very far from where the battle of Gettysburg took place when the "United States" of America was eating itself to little pieces and the eating, for all intense and proposes, has still not stopped but now adding tea to the pot.

"Who me? Mistah Tom" Looie said in his East Bronx accent; attempting to look innocent as he held the television set awkwardly in his arms while using one leg as an awkward support.

"No way! You can't take that! What are you crazy? Badhead! How wooden I know it?"

Lou thought Tommy Tom Tom was saying: "It's like picking my ass with your fat fingers!"

"How will they ever know? Christ, we're from New York City! There's millions of us. Rudy G. will tell you so! He's the mayor of the world!"

Get out of here," Looie said shocked at Tom's non-New York attitude.

"Will you just put the damn thing back and leave it alone!" Tom said beginning to regret he ever called Lollie.

"Jesus Christ, I told you to cut the crap!" Tom said catching Looie again around midnight leaving the deserted lobby embracing the set lovingly.

About two in the morning, Tom began to hear suspicious sounds coming from the adjoining room where Looie and his wife were staying. Hearing their door closing very softly aroused Tom's curiosity and he hastily put on his robe - and did catch Looie downstairs once again.

"Christ Tom, I didn't know you was a part time hotel cop. You was from The East Bronx too - no? Where the great Tami M. and John Garfield and The Jake hung around and don't forget Vince the Ram Lombardi too. What's wrong with taking a little set? A colored one at that!"

"Look Looie," Tom said between clenched teeth trying in this Al Capone gesture to show how low-life he thought Looie was, "I put my real name and address on the registrar. My real name because I don't carry an alias! You understand?"

"You got shares in this place, Tom?"

"No damn it! I don't want to get arrested for taking something I can buy in the hundreds! And I'm going down and put your name on the register too - LOOAY!"

Around four in the morning, Looie broke into Tom's and his fourth wife Rhoda's room and took their set as his wasn't working that well. He draped a towel over an empty box he found in the hallway as a substitute for their television set.

That morning when Tom tried to put the tube on, he discovered the set was missing. He dressed hurriedly while throwing a shoe at their wall and within minutes was standing before their door; knocking softly, saying: "Looie, me Tom."

Lollie's sister whispered that Looie was not home.

"Open up please! Open up or I'm calling the cops!"

Looie was under the covers making like a pillow.

"Wake up Looie! Where's the damn set?" Tom said throwing his pillbox at him.

"Jeeeeez Tom, you almost kilt me!" Looie said ducking several times and then added: "I put it in your car."

"Look jerk, I'm going down to get it and I'm giving your last name and address to the desk clerk! If anything is missing from this place - I'm telling them you took it!"

Before Tom slammed the door, Looie and his wife Aganus were lunging for their borrowed suitcases - taking out all they were going to borrow from the motel like towels, bed sheets, pillows, radio set .... "Jesus aloo, sweetheart you'd never know him and Leny was brothers!"